| Oh so tired! |
[12 Feb 2009|10:50pm] |
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Wolrd
Alright, so yes this is me hating, something I try to do rarely, but it needs to come out so here we go. I am awfully tired of putting so much of who I am into everything I do and receiving so little from anything or anyone, other than a select handful of people (You know who you are, thank you very much). I end up putting all the intensity I have into things, it's just part of who I am, and I am so tired of people who just don't care. Watching as my efforts are ignored becomes increasingly unpleasant the more I watch it happen, and I really wish it would stop. I try to love the world, and give everthing I am to all the people in it, so then what the fuck? I'm tired of having my virtues feel like down falls, for feeling like a piece of shit for being who I am. Mostly though what I am most tired of, is my own damn intensity. Shit never shuts off, it's always there going a hundred miles an hour. I wish I could turn it off, but the shit don't work like that I guess. I wish I could just chill out, maybe not care for awhile. That would be nice. In any case, right now I'm just really tired of alot of things.
Love, Dexter
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| Pain |
[11 Feb 2009|12:07am] |
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mood |
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 lonely |
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What is pain? I have recently begun to contemplate pain; what it is, and how it affects me. The conclusion that I have been able to draw is that pain affects me only so long as I allow it to. I have the ability to not allow pain, in all it's forms, to enter into my mind. Pain is something I only allow to exist, if I stop letting it, then it stops existing. Now, when pain is there the biggest and most apparent evidence of its existence is that of fear. A fear of pain. Now, I feel I can reasonably say that the fear of pain is the only fear I have. So, should I be able to abolish pain from me then it is reasonable to state that I would fear nothing. Imagine what you could do when you were no longer shackled by the restraints of fear.
Also this is for JB, here's the shout out mang, www.nightedface.blogspot.com
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[30 Oct 2008|03:04pm] |
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mood |
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 tired |
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I hate being tired, it is no fun at all.
Tranzition, I like that word. I made it up.
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| Reflection |
[28 Oct 2008|09:23am] |
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mood |
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 content |
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It's odd, this feeling of balance, of finally beginning to understand who one is, and how one works. Events transpire in my life in a seemingly different way these days. The ability to accept things I think has greatly helped my overall disposition with what life is and how it's going. It's good, these feelings. I'm not complete by any stretch of the imagination, not ready for anything, but I feel like I'm getting closer at least. Love, Peace, and Vengeance.
Dexter A. Deam
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| Self |
[23 Feb 2008|11:05pm] |
World
I feel like I have been told once before, the things I should do. I am only who I am in reference to the people that surround me. I have identity only through my interaction with the people that make up this world. My thoughts are the results of the seeds planted in my brain by the individuals in my life. My life is only referential, like light is to darkness; my existence is to the populous. My concept of self exists because someone else told me it did. Would it exist had they not? I feel as if I my identity is not necessarily defined by other people, but defined in reference to them.
Thoughts?
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| The Dosage Stream |
[31 Jan 2008|09:41pm] |
The Dosage Stream, the mind affected.
The flowing run, the time elected.
The chance for change, the arm injected.
The face of fear, the pain rejected.
The broken body, the path directed.
The fallen mind, the dues collected.
The problem burnt, the void corrected.
The hope in life, a faith detected.
The honored death, a life reflected.
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[14 Jan 2008|10:43pm] |
My world viewed through the lens of another eye,
as I write my story with some one else's pen.
No one sees in.
The depth to great to swim.
The words not my own as I tell a story.
The language fails to explain who I am.
Love Dexter
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| Idiot! |
[11 Jan 2008|01:12am] |
Sometimes I swear I'm retarded!
Dexter
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| Day in the life. |
[08 Jan 2008|01:19am] |
So today after class I hung out with Jon La France, Hilary, and Shopie in Seattle. Jon and I ate choptle, then we all played badminton, then hung out at the abode of Hilary and Sophie for the rest of the evening where upon I met friends Josh and Shawn. All in all a pretty swell day. Had an adventure with a bed, it was more than we bargained for.
Love Dexter
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| Sad epiphany. |
[03 Jan 2008|01:45am] |
I remembered today that I go back to school on Monday, and this made me very sad, for school is not that happy of a place. I hope my classes are not to hard. Anyway, Have a great day.
Dexter
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| Huzah!! |
[18 Dec 2007|04:19pm] |
Dexter Deam and the world of tomorrow.
Why is it the future always looks so scary when you can't see it?
So I wonder what life will bring to the table of my life. If anything I hope it brings cheese. Man I love cheese.
Love Dexter
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[12 Dec 2007|11:22am] |
Friends
I want every one who calls me their friend to know that, from the bottom of my heart, I appreciate every thing you do for me. Be it a simple smile, or a shoulder you gave me to cry on. I want you all to know that the things you have done for me do not go by unnoticed. The memories you have given me are my most sacred possessions. I will keep them safe forever. Every single one of you means the world to me, and I want you to know that I love you. To each and every one of you: I love you. Thanks you ever so much. Here's to you my friends.
Love,
Dexter
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| The Nighted Face |
[09 Dec 2007|09:24am] |
Who is the nighted face, that lurks in the depths of your mind,
that plagues the outer vision of your eyes.
That is always there but never in the light.
This nighted face that shrouds, that lies.
Who is this.
A mask, a person, an idea, a hallucination?
This thing that watches as we stand in the light as it ceases to shine.
The darkest of shadows cast by the brightest of flames.
Existing, because we allow it to.
The brighter we shine. The darker this becomes.
To remind us of who we are?
To what point, and purpose.
This shadow, this nighted face, a beacon.
A light brighter than any sun.
We shall lose sight to a shadow, due to the intensity with which it burns.
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| Meh |
[25 Nov 2007|11:22pm] |
I can't wait for this quarter to be over. I already so sick of school and its not even a third done yet. No good.
So I have this dream of some day going to Japan and training to be a ninja there. Do other people have dreams like this?
Dexter
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| Who I am, and some things I want. |
[25 Nov 2007|02:00am] |
Miles to go in a world made of souls;
in infinite ectoplasm observe my goals.
To dream too deep, to walk the hill steep;
to live a life that no one else can keep;
to be who am, and who you are;
to dare to excel in a way too far.
Not be chosen but the one to choose,
to live in such a way that no one can refuse.
Own a way that everyone can see.
Man, I simply wish to be me.
I wish to dare, I wish to see I wish to care
To hold the world on my shoulders for a day
to understand the things that no body will say
To travel the void observe space and time, to see into infinity
and lose my mind
to touch the soul of those I meet,
to humble myself and wash their feet.
I wish to live not just to exist.
To be in such a way that no one can resist
To echo through time and exist forever in space
to touch millions of minds and live in a million different kinds of place.
Live in such a way that no can erase
who I am or who I was.
Be in such a way that people rise above
man's inhumanity to man.
I wish to give to people who I am.
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[19 Nov 2007|08:26am] |
Oh I hate tired. It is not my friend at all.
Reflexive pronouns are made of poop.
"Turn of The Screw" is ridiculous confusing.
Overall, not in a very good mood.
Dexter
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[05 Nov 2007|09:00am] |
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mood |
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tired |
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Dear...
I don't think sleep is my friend anymore, he never comes to visit me.
That which was broken
Was never meant to be fixed.
As we rush toward destinations
We know not exist.
Spinning wildly out there
Totally out of control.
Knowing that though we are better
We will never be whole.
Empty and Hollow
We hurtle through space.
Traveling to places
At ground breaking pace.
We run so fast,
Quick as can be.
So fast in fact
We can no longer see.
Our eyes they close.
Our vision it dims.
And we know not the places
Nor locations we're in.
Yet I see through the mist
As I open my eyes.
The destination I seek,
Which is my own demise.
But despite what's against me.
Despite what they say.
I will live forever.
I will have my way.
Love Dexter
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| Who am I? |
[04 Jun 2006|11:29pm] |
My Delight Song
I am the sound of pirates singing
I am the sound of cards tapping
I am the whisper of the wind, as it echoes out her name
I am the sound of laughter,
and the gleam of the smile after
I am the wrath of the tyger,
As it spews the wisdoms of God
I am the cunning argument that fills the mind,
with the philosophies of man
I am the rain that colors rainbows
I am the rhythm of the flowing of the body,
As you train the mind and body
I am the love that courses, and beats,
through all the walks of life
I am the vessel of God that I might touch the world,
through him
I am the joy of the voice that sings aloud
I am the people that surround me,
In their hearts I am protected
In this world I feel the green,
I smell the rain,
I touch the soul,
That in all things I can find love,
For in all things lies the key to understanding
Love Dexter Deam
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[09 May 2006|10:58pm] |
World
Dexter Deam is oh so tired. Good night.
Love Dexter Deam
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[20 Apr 2006|10:40pm] |
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